Eighteen's Bed

Chapter 2.3

"It's not exactly surprising, but after the incident in the gym storage room, Han Junwoo began to openly hate me. At the same time, the obedient act he put on for his parents disappeared without a trace.

Now, Han Taesan completely occupies the seat beside Han Junwoo.

I might be shameless when it comes to hiding my true feelings, but I’m not the kind of person who can pretend I’m unaffected while holding my head high in ignorance of my shame. At the very least, I refuse to be some pathetic weakling. I don’t have the courage to casually talk to Han Junwoo as if everything is fine.

After that, I started falling into a spiral of melancholy and boredom. Sometimes, I’d burn with a petty sense of revenge, but in the end, I always endured.

That bastard Han Junwoo, who can’t control his emotions, began to envy and resent me like a childish brat. And the reason for it was clear: Han Taesan.

Regardless of the intent, I hated Han Taesan even more. He wasn’t mine to begin with, but it wasn’t enough that he stole Han Junwoo from me—he even made him hate me. I couldn’t shake the thought that he was a vicious bastard.

Even if it wasn’t intentional, it didn’t matter to me. You know how people are—our feelings often defy logic. To me, blaming him was a way of finding a scapegoat to endure this miserable situation.

However, I always made rational choices, and I knew well enough that Han Taesan was just being swept along by Han Junwoo. That’s why I never showed any hostile emotions toward him.

Partly because I was too embarrassed to reveal my jealousy. And partly because I knew that if I lost my temper with Han Taesan, I’d only look like a fool. If that happened, Han Junwoo would hate me even more, and the people in our class would label me a disgusting, filthy gay bastard.

“...This is the worst.”

I hated it. I hated it so much I wanted to die. I hated it more than being hated by Han Junwoo.

Then, for some reason, Go Yohan came to mind. I couldn’t pinpoint why, but I chalked it up to the fact that he was the irritating jerk I’d been hanging around with the most lately. If he ever found out what I was thinking, what would he say? Probably something like this:

‘Turns out Jun’s just a filthy, disgusting gay bastard, huh?’

The thought of Go Yohan looking at me with disdain made me clench my fists. It was such a horrifying image that I nearly gagged. I absolutely didn’t want anyone to find out.

Friendships can be so shallow at times. When it became obvious that Han Junwoo and I weren’t on good terms, my relationships with his group naturally became strained as well. Amusingly, the most isolated member of Go Yohan’s group, Lee Seokhyun, suddenly struck up a pointless conversation with me yesterday.

“Kang Jun, Go Yohan was looking for you earlier.”

“Oh? Why?”

“I don’t know, he just was.”

“...”

It was always something like this—useless topics with no clear purpose. From the looks of it, people now saw me as being closer to Go Yohan’s group than to Han Junwoo’s.

Of course, it wasn’t as if the ties with Junwoo’s group were completely severed. Occasionally, during gym class or by chance in the morning, we’d exchange polite greetings. Though that was mostly limited to Park Dongchul.

“Hey, Kang Jun! Morning.”

“...Morning.”

I remembered one of those awkward exchanges when Park Dongchul had muttered something under his breath.

‘Junwoo’s been acting weird lately. The way he treats Taesan... isn’t it kind of creepy?’

I must have made an unpleasant face, because he seemed to think I agreed. He then went on to talk about how Junwoo forced Taesan to sit with him, grabbed his arm, and wouldn’t let go.

I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth before responding.

‘I don’t care about that disgusting stuff at all.’

That shut him up immediately.

Lately, Park Dongchul had been trying to cozy up to Go Yohan and his friends. He seemed like someone quietly looking for a way out of Junwoo’s shadow. Maybe the reason he shared all that with me was to get closer.

Today, as usual, it was just Go Yohan and me left in the classroom, away from the others.

Leaning against the back wall of the classroom, Go Yohan stared down at me. Whether he was ignoring me or just sizing me up, I wasn’t sure. Annoyed, I turned my head away, deciding to ignore him as well.

“Jun.”

“What?”

“Let’s get ice cream after school. That stuff we had last time was pretty good.”

Go Yohan ignored my attempt to ignore him. As he spoke, he lazily tossed a rubber ball across the classroom. The ball bounced around erratically, threatening to hit people, but no one said anything to him.

He didn’t care about the atmosphere at all. He was indifferent, selfish even. I watched the ball bounce around with a frown, finally breaking my silence. My irritation over his shameless behavior made my tone sharper than usual.

“You mean the one you ate all by yourself? You bought it for yourself, didn’t you?”

“Well, not really. I just like green.”

“So you didn’t think about my opinion at all?”

“How was I supposed to know what you wanted? You didn’t tell me.”

By then, the ball had rolled somewhere across the floor. Yohan held out his hand, motioning for it. One of the students near the ball hesitated, then awkwardly picked it up and placed it in Yohan’s hand. Yohan casually shook the ball in his hand and said to the retreating student,

“Thanks, loser.”

What an irritating personality.

‘Loser this, nerd that.’ Every word out of his mouth was insufferable.

Honestly, it made no sense that someone as obnoxious as Go Yohan was hanging around with me instead of Han Junwoo. He always ate with me, sat with me, and attended class with me. Sure, Junwoo wasn’t around, but he could easily text or meet him if he wanted to.

The thought crossed my mind suddenly, and I asked without much thought,

“Why don’t you hang out with Han Junwoo these days?”

Go Yohan, mid-act of throwing and catching the rubber ball against the wall, suddenly froze. Then he turned to me with a puzzled expression.

“You had a fight with him,” he said.

“Me?”

“Yeah. You and Han Junwoo.”

“I know. I’m the one who fought with him. So why does it matter to you?”

“You really say the strangest things. It’s because you’re my friend.”

Go Yohan scanned me up and down with an oddly blatant gaze. Feeling uneasy, I avoided his eyes and asked back,

“You’re friends with Han Junwoo too, though.”

“Wow. You’re hilarious. What, are you saying you’re not my friend?”

Now his tone was incredulous as he pointed at me with his finger.

“No, I am your friend. But you were also friends with Han Junwoo. So why are you taking my side?”

“Well, because I’ve known you longer.”

“What are you talking about? We became friends because of Han Junwoo, didn’t we?”

“Hey. What are you even saying? We were close back in our first year!”

“When?”

“Seriously, you’re such a bastard. Wow. Back in the cafeteria, we used to make eye contact all the time!”

“Oh... back then.”

“So, what, was I the only one who thought we were friends? You scammer. That’s why, as soon as we were in the same class, I approached you first! And you don’t even acknowledge that? Unbelievable. I’m disappointed in you.”

“Oh.”

“Wow. Unbelievable. Just... wow. How could you do this to me?”

“Fine, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?”

I hastily mumbled my apology, recalling those awkward but strangely frequent encounters from our first year.

So that was within his “friendship category.” I feel robbed. How could anyone interpret those stares as friendly? They were filled with hostility, plain and simple. Wait, does that mean the first one to suggest eating together wasn’t Han Junwoo, but... him?

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, leaving me stunned. It was unsettling, even shocking. Still, I didn’t want to get further entangled, so I pretended to understand and nodded.

“Alright, alright. I get it. I’m sorry.”

“I was seriously so upset just now.”

Go Yohan glared at me briefly. Sometimes, I really can’t understand how his mind works.

“And anyway, Han Junwoo’s acting seriously weird.”

“...”

“That guy’s completely insane right now. He’s always been a bit off, but this? This is just... yeah.”

He grabbed the rubber ball with four fingers, lazily spinning it around his temple with his index finger. The sight made me think of Park Dongchul and the other classmates who’d awkwardly tried to talk to me about Junwoo.

From that alone, I could tell one thing: Han Junwoo’s reputation was in freefall.

“Gay.”

The word—the most feared and damning stigma in the world of eighteen-year-olds—sent a chill through me. My body trembled slightly at the thought. At the same time, I felt relieved that no one knew about me. Did that relief mean I valued myself more than Han Junwoo?

Uneasy, I looked at Go Yohan’s face, feeling like a blasphemous priest hiding a secret before God.

“Really, me,” I muttered.

Then I let out a laugh—a strange mix of fear and derision.

It was almost funny that, to others, I was Go Yohan’s closest friend. In truth, I was no different—a criminal branded with an unholy stigma. Just a few months ago, I was Han Junwoo’s closest friend. And yet, here I was, hiding in a filthy trap I’d barely escaped.

I had only managed to avoid being caught. That was all.

*****

It was dawn. A message from an unknown number arrived unexpectedly. A call at 4 a.m. Half-asleep, I thought for a moment that everything happening now was a dream. Even though I had avoided seeking out Han Junwoo to protect myself from being hurt, my heart leapt at the thought that the message might be from him.

I hurriedly rubbed my eyes and checked again who had sent it. My feelings were conflicted. Part of me hoped it was just one of those spam messages offering shady loans. But as soon as I read the content, I knew it wasn’t from Han Junwoo.

“Jun-ah, I’m sorry for contacting you at this hour. Could you come outside your house for a moment? I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Just once. Just this one time.”

There was no way Han Junwoo would ever apologize to me.

Among my peers, there were only two people who called me Jun, and of the two, there was only one so pitiful. How did Han Taesan even know where I lived? The moment I saw the message, my face twisted into a scowl. I didn’t want to see him—never wanted to see him. He was always unpleasant.

But despite my thoughts, I got out of bed, buttoned up my clothes, and stood up. I walked to my door but stopped short of stepping through, resting my forehead against the frame with a deep sigh.

“...Damn it.”

It was all so overwhelming, like I had a knot in my stomach. That was the only way to describe it. I clutched my chest. I’d always prided myself on getting good grades, on knowing a wide range of vocabulary from all the books I’d read, but none of the words I knew could fully express this intricate and tangled mess of emotions.

He stole another glance at me, his eyes briefly meeting mine, before lowering them again.

“...Does that cheek hurt?”

Shit. Reflexively, I covered the spot where Han Junwoo had hit me and pulled the blanket over my head. Damn Han Taesan. I felt a wave of shame and humiliation bubbling up. I knew I shouldn’t have helped him.

“I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry... I didn’t mean to cause trouble for you...”

Goddamn it. Damn it all. My mind spiraled with curses, but the only words that came to me were ones I’d picked up from Han Junwoo and Go Yohan—"shit," "bastard," "fuck." I swallowed my frustration and muttered,

“Just sleep. It’s fine.”

With that, Han Taesan said nothing more.

As the oppressive gloom of dawn pressed down on me, I felt myself being dragged into an uneasy sleep. But the silence was broken by a loud noise. Groping for its source, I found myself squinting against the glow of my phone. The name on the screen stabbed at my eyes and my thoughts.

“Han Junwoo.”

I stared at the name, torn. The call ended as I hesitated, but the phone began ringing again almost immediately, demanding my attention.

I glanced at Han Taesan, who seemed to be asleep, then back at the name on the screen. Finally, I silenced the phone.

But Han Junwoo’s disturbance didn’t end there.

The faint sound of the doorbell rang from downstairs. My ears strained to make sense of the noise, and I realized it wasn’t stopping. It wasn’t just ringing—it was repeating, the first note endlessly looping.

It was Han Junwoo.

If this kept up, the live-in housekeeper would definitely wake up. Realizing this, I shot out of bed, threw open my door, and ran downstairs.

Fucking hell.

Crossing the yard, I opened the gate just in time to dodge a flying rock. That bastard had thrown a rock at my gate. Stunned, I froze, but Han Junwoo showed no sign of remorse or concern for almost hitting me. He simply shoved past me and stormed into the house.

“Hey, Han Junwoo! Where do you think you’re going?”

He didn’t answer, breaking into a sprint instead. I slammed the gate shut and chased after him, but there was no way I could match his speed.

My mind raced.

How had Han Junwoo found his way here? Did he know Han Taesan was in my house?

It made sense, though. Where else could friendless Han Taesan go? Of course, this mess would fall on me.

“Where’s Han Taesan?!”

“Keep your voice down, Han Junwoo!”

“Hey! Han Taesan!”

“Shut up! People can hear you!”

Han Junwoo started throwing open doors, shouting as he went. I tried to calm him down, lowering my voice as I called his name, but he ignored me. Instead, he shoved me aside, making me stumble and fall.

By the time I picked myself up, biting down the humiliation, Han Junwoo was already upstairs. He didn’t hesitate—he stormed into my room and threw the door wide open.

“Shit. Why is Han Taesan here?”

The sequence of unbelievable events left my mind blank, and my body crumpled involuntarily. Han Junwoo pressed my head against the floor with such force that I couldn’t move. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t lift my head or escape his grip.

I could feel his entire strength bearing down on me. Gritting my teeth, I grabbed at his arm, twisting and pulling with all my might, but it was useless. He pushed harder, as if he intended to crush my skull.

“Let go of me!”

Without realizing it, I screamed. The situation was unbearable—a sudden, suffocating nightmare. I thrashed violently, and then I heard Han Taesan’s trembling voice from inside my room.

“...Jun-ah. J-Jun-ah!”

“You fucking worthless bastard!”

The moment Han Junwoo saw Han Taesan’s pale, terrified face, he shoved me hard with his foot.

I tumbled down the stairs, crashing into the floor below and hitting my head. My vision spun so wildly I couldn’t tell which way was up. As my consciousness flickered, I heard his voice again.

“Jun-ah! Han Junwoo, wait, please!”

“Shut up and watch, Han Taesan.”

“Junwoo, please! I’ll do whatever you say—I already did, didn’t I?”

“Do what? You piece of shit. Shut your mouth and watch closely. Look at what you’ve made me do! How could you do this to me, you bastard? You love Kang Jun so much, right? Then see how pathetic and worthless he really is because of you!”

“I told you it’s not like that! I told you! Please, I’m begging you!”

Han Taesan stood beside him, tears streaming down his face. He wasn’t even trying to stop Junwoo properly. Instead, he just hovered there, trembling, unable to grab him or speak coherently.

Clutching my throbbing head, I forced myself to stand and shouted as loudly as I could.

“Hey! Han Junwoo!”

I screamed his name with everything I had, but my voice cracked and turned into a whimper. My stomach hurt, my arms hurt, my head hurt—my whole body betrayed me, collapsing onto the floor. Han Junwoo was beating me.

“No, Junwoo, I’m sorry! Please, I’m sorry! It’s all my fault!”

“You useless piece of shit. Just die already, you bastard!”

“Stop it, please! I won’t ever talk to Kang Jun again. I won’t even look at him! I’ll do whatever you say, just stop!”

And then, finally, I broke.

Tears spilled out uncontrollably as I cried in front of Han Junwoo.

This was unbearable. Absolutely unbearable. How could you do this to me, Junwoo? How could you rip my heart apart like this? What did I ever do to you? Did I confess to you? Did I ever force my feelings on you?

The tears didn’t stop, dripping onto the floor in a steady rhythm. Even in the chaos, I could see it—the look of disgust on Junwoo’s face, the way he treated me as if I were nothing. Just because Han Taesan paid special attention to me, how could he treat me like this?

It was unfair.

I had been his closest friend.

It was unfair.

Even as I cried, I covered my face with my arm. It wasn’t the pain in my stomach that hurt most—it was the humiliation of someone seeing me like this.

“Pathetic Kang Jun. Crying like the useless loser he is.”

Through blurred vision, I saw Han Junwoo grab Han Taesan by the wrist and drag him. As Junwoo’s hand touched him, Han Taesan retched violently, collapsing onto the floor and vomiting. He trembled, covering his mouth with both hands, but Junwoo simply sneered and stroked his cheek mockingly.

Han Taesan recoiled, flinching away so hard that he fell again. Junwoo cursed at him, grabbed him roughly, and dragged him toward the door.

Even then, I couldn’t give up. Gritting my teeth against the searing pain in my stomach, I staggered to my feet and followed them.

Han Taesan thrashed weakly, turning his head repeatedly to look back at me. His eyes were desperate, almost pleading. It made me sick. God, I hated him.

All I could see was the two of them. My chest burned with resentment toward Junwoo and seething jealousy toward Taesan.

I reached out and managed to grab the hem of Taesan’s shirt just as they reached the front gate. Taesan froze, and Junwoo turned to face me.

I glared at him, but all that came back was another blow. Junwoo shoved me by the shoulder, sending me sprawling to the ground.

“Fucking hell, just leave us alone already! Get lost, you goddamn bastard! Stop ruining everything!”

Junwoo screamed at me, his words like knives carving into my chest.

He’s a terrible person.

A terrible person.

I wanted to kill him.

I wanted to kill Han Junwoo.

Junwoo pulled Taesan toward the street, and I scrambled to my feet, using the ground for support.

Then I heard it.

Ding.

A mechanical chime. Did I imagine it? I barely had time to question it before I heard the sharp clack of a window closing.

A chill ran up my spine, starting from my tailbone. My world fell into silence.

No. No.

Even as my eyes stayed on their retreating figures, I rushed back into the house, heart pounding.

Where was it? Where had the sound come from?

I slammed the gate shut and hid behind it, my mind racing. The only thought echoing through my head was:

Did someone see?

Who saw it?

Did they see me?

My heart hammered in my chest, like a hammer striking an anvil. My breath hitched as panic surged.

Whose house was it?

Could they hear us?

No. Could they tell it was me?

I rushed back inside, locking the door behind me. Leaning against it, I panted heavily, trying to calm down. The quiet settled back in, but the memory of Junwoo’s voice rang in my ears.

“Pathetic loser.”

My tear-streaked face twisted in pain, and heat flushed through me as I crouched on the carpet, sobbing.

That night, Junwoo truly crushed me like an insect.

The worst part?

After all that, I still had to clean up Han Taesan’s vomit with my aching body, careful not to wake the housekeeper. Holding my breath as I wiped the floor, tears and mucus dripped down my face. My vision blurred, my eyes burned, and the warm liquid streaked down my hands.

At the sink, as I rinsed the rag, I caught my reflection in the mirror.

The lower half of my face was smeared with blood.

My head spun.