Psychological Control

Chapter 10

"Bryan...Bryan...look at me..." My head was muddled, and the overwhelming blood in Bryan's memory seemed to reappear in front of my eyes, and it happened to be in such a narrow space.

"It's alright...relax...Brian!..."

Whose name is this voice calling?Brian? ...Who is Brian... By the way, these terrible memories and desires should belong to a boy named Brian...

That's right, the memories belong to Brian, and so do the fantasies... The bloodthirsty is Brian, and I am me!

Amid the anxious cries of Chris and Ashton, my pupils slowly focused.The scene in front of him became clear again.

Chris's face was full of regret, while Ashton's face was worried.Nina and Alice also surrounded her, followed by several other female models.Dan curled up on the car seat not far away. Phil twisted his wrist and looked at him with the same worry as Marvin. Marvin turned his head to look at me with apology from time to time.The little lamb Jamie stood in the middle of the two sides with a frightened expression, not knowing where to go.

Chris cupped my cheeks in his hands and looked straight into my eyes, and I breathed a sigh of relief and reached out to push his face away, which was too close.

"I'm not dizzy, I just stood up too quickly and had hypoglycemia." I said lightly, "I just wanted to warn him, maybe I accidentally went too far."

Ashton was obviously quickly convinced by such a reason, and he said with righteous indignation: "It's not your fault Brian! Dan should really keep his mouth clean..."

The original intention was to stop a farce, but I didn't expect that I would actually contribute to this farce and burn the fire on myself.I drove Nina, who was a little curious and a little scared, and let Alice lead the group of female models back to the front compartment, and informed the bus driver to move on.

Then he raised his usual harmless smile to comfort Jamie. I don’t know if it’s the sixth sense of herbivores or something. Jamie didn’t dare to relax under my smile anymore. He sat next to Mike with a dry smile. Not too far from me.

Seeing that I didn't want to talk more, Chris sat back beside me even though he hesitated to speak.Only this time it became him holding my arm firmly.

Back at the supermodel house, because of the farce on the road, everyone was not in the mood to talk after entering the house, and even though the house started to follow the camera, everyone still tacitly didn't mention anything.The results of the challenge show up on the TV screen in the living room.

Out of [-], Rena, the best performer, scored [-], followed closely by Marvin, who scored [-].Me, Ashton, Alyssa, Jamie, and Alice are the middle seven.Dan, Shelley, Chris, Conani, Phil and Nina scored six points.Bianca and Mike are the lowest five.

The bedrooms were also redistributed. Marvin shared a room with his only two remaining brothers, Dan and Phil. Mike, Jamie and Ashton lived together without embarrassment, and the remaining one had only two beds. The room was reserved for me and Chris.

Unable to read, I changed into the short-sleeved and sweatpants I wore for sleeping and folded my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling in a daze.When Chris came back from washing his face, he also sat on his bed opposite me without saying a word.

The two were silent for a while, and I could only say: "Chris, don't think so much. Go to sleep." After I finished speaking, I closed my eyes and rolled into bed.

It took me a while to hear a rustling sound from Chris' direction, and he also got under the covers.

Tomorrow is Monday, shortly after the result of the challenge was announced tonight, Taylor sent an email to notify the photo shooting through the screen in the living room, which means that the models will not be given a break the next day after the challenge, and will not be released until Wednesday after the photo shoot is over. There will be a day off and time for viewers to vote on the official website, however Wednesday night will be another elimination.

The schedule of Monday and Tuesday is repeated on Thursday and Friday, Saturday and Wednesday are eliminated, Sunday is a full rest, and the champion is finally determined within a month.With America's Next Top Model's busy schedule, I couldn't allow myself to be distracted by a drama or Chris' concern about me.

So not talking about it is the best option.

Early the next morning, everyone gathered together again, waiting for the bus to take us to the shooting location.The atmosphere is a bit dull today, it seems that most people have not recovered from the accident on the bus yesterday.

Chris had dark circles under his eyes, but he didn't bring up yesterday's topic again. We were strangers to Marvin and the others when the models were assembled, and Jamie timidly followed behind Mike.The atmosphere among the female models is quite good, only the relationship between Alice and Rena is a little tense.

On the bus, Marvin and the three of them sat near the door, because Chris and I sat at the back of the car.Seeing the three of them deliberately laughing and making trouble in front of them, Chris was a little upset.But because of the gesture I kept making that I didn't want to talk, I held back all the way back.

Eventually the bus stopped in front of a soundstage, and when we walked in, we saw Taylor and Jonathan waiting there from a distance.

Taylor and the others didn't seem to get the news from yesterday's bus. She excitedly announced to the models: "Last night, everyone was very tenacious and completed a crazy catwalk. Are you still determined today?"

Taylor then announced the theme of today's shooting, wedding photos.

All kinds of marriages, the models will cooperate with each other.Because of the melee between men and women, a new technology was introduced, which is called dynamic still photos.In a frozen photo, a continuous change in an insignificant place will make the whole photo come alive.

The partner and the theme of the marriage were decided by lottery. It seems that because yesterday's farce frightened the gods of luck, today Chris and I are extremely unlucky.

I drew a blank lottery, Fetish Marriage, against an old box TV.And Chris is even more funny and Dan's group, the theme is same-sex marriage.Seeing Chris' stinky face like an ice sculpture and the depression around him, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"You..." Chris' expression turned into an ice sculpture after I laughed out loud.I think he must have been hit hard by the god of fate, and he must feel uncomfortable being laughed at by me now.

I had no choice but to pat him on the shoulder to comfort him, "It's over. If it's really uncomfortable, how about imagining his face as Alice? Doesn't it give me more motivation."

However, my comfort obviously didn't have the desired effect, Chris patted my hand off his shoulder and turned his head, his face turned red at some point until it reached the roots of his ears.I looked at him in surprise, but didn't say anything.

Yesterday, because of Brian's memory, I had a slight personality imbalance. After self-regulation, although there will be no more problems for the time being, my mood has been a little low.Once Chris's unlucky situation came out, it made me adjust my mentality to a proper state.

Fetishism, wanting to treat an unpopular dead object as a lover, while the makeup artist was applying makeup on my face, I closed my eyes and performed a temporary psychological hypnosis on myself.

Because you can only take a good photo if you really put yourself into that situation.Just like an actor, the play performed by an actor who deceived himself is like a documentary, and the characters will be flesh and blood.

I know such an actor is prone to mild schizophrenia, just like my memory with Brian now, when there is overlap between the two, it is easy to confuse the story and reality.That's why I don't intend to be an actor.

Because I am afraid that I will uncontrollably hypnotize myself in every role in pursuit of perfection. If I really do that, with Brian's memory superimposed, the effect will be doubled.Maybe it will be really crazy.

Similarly, the time-consuming of shooting a TV series or movie is several times that of a reality show variety show.I need to portray myself as a public figure, so that the image in the eyes of the public becomes my disguised shell, rather than really throwing myself completely under the spotlight.

Take control of yourself, take control of your mind, and remember who I really am.

……

My lover, its corners and cold surfaces.Kneeling in front of it, I put my cheek against the body of my beloved lover, and gently stroked its skin with one hand.The part that can control it is held in my other hand, just pressing on the heart.

My eyes are half-closed with a contented smile on my mouth, blissful because I have total control over my lover.I finally got married to it.

The voices of the surrounding photographers and Jonathan seem to be separated by a membrane, and the reality is outside the membrane, and I am completely immersed in this world in the membrane.

"Very good! We got it!"

As Jonathan shouted excitedly, I slowly opened my eyes, the smile on my face faded, I put down the remote control in my hand and raised my hand to press my temple.

"Are you ready?" I walked out of the spotlight wearing an ancient dress like a British gentleman.

Jonathan walked up quickly and gave me a hug. He said excitedly: "It's great, it's great! It's even more perfect than I expected, it's really unexpected!"

I let Jonathan hold me a bit tough and walked to the computer to look at the hard photos I just took. I thought that seeing my own photos in advance is not allowed, but the excited Jonathan didn't think so much, he pulled me Pointing to the words of praise that can't stop pouring out of his mouth.

He blows the scenery curtain fabric behind me in the photo with a breeze during the shoot, and then sets the curtain in the finished product to be dynamic.And as the main character, I kneel in front of that old-fashioned TV in a dignified dress, and the hand touching the TV screen shows my sincere worship to my lover, and the face leaning on the screen has a happy smile that has just entered the palace of marriage. , and the remote control clasped on the heart of the chest represents the desire to control the lover.

The dynamic curtain background contrast freezes me in time, and the whole picture makes people's hairs stand on end but they can't look away.Jonathan said excitedly that I perfectly expressed what he wanted.

"Perfect..." He held me tightly, "It's really perfect! If conditions permit, I must personally take more photos for you!" His uncontrollable emotions made the surrounding lighting engineers and photographers take this picture The photographer of the photo glanced sideways.

Maybe he needs to control his emotions, I pulled a gentle smile on my face, "Of course, it must be a great honor for me if Mr. Jonathan can take a picture of me."

I skillfully broke free from his grip on my wrist, but instead of leaving his control immediately, I stepped forward and gave him a ceremonial hug.I pat him on the back lightly while hugging, pause for a few seconds, and then I step back out of reach of his arms.

Apparently he wasn't that excited anymore, he just smiled happily and instructed me to change clothes and remove makeup after the shooting was over.

When Jonathan was in the fashion circle, he was well-known as a gay who had come out and had a family. He and his lover could be regarded as a couple with a high value in the fashion circle.However, from the creative design he gave this time, I unexpectedly discovered that their relationship is full of contradictions and conflicts.

Jonathan has the psychology of praying and worshiping his lover, but at the same time, he also has an uncontrollable desire to possess and control.He is immersed in this "love", and what he loves is the virtual muse in his mind, but not a real person.Such "love" might drive his lover crazy.

He doesn't know the reason why his lover becomes more and more different from what he imagined, but I can speculate from the subconscious in his design.Jonathan made his lover a figure too perfect to be real in his own mind.

His expectations and limitations put too much pressure on his lover, and he just sees his lover as a necessity of life, not as a partner.

Jonathan saw the image his lover made of him through the image I made to everyone.And this time, through the creative design of the hard photo shooting, he expressed the mess in his heart through my hard photo.

That's why he gets so emotional after the shoot, and repeats perfection over and over again.