Vaudevillain

Chapter 5: Make Do With What You Have

Chapter 5: Make Do With What You Have

With the idea in mind, Dylan typed the words "gender bender gun," into his power tab.

Gender Bender gun

Phlebotinium (1 g)

Hair Dryer (1)

His and Her wedding rings (1 pair)

Shaving cream (1 can)

Rule 63 printout (1)

"What the heck is phlebotinium?" Dylan said aloud. He could get everything else, though the his and her rings would be expensive. He could steal them, but he already decided that resorting to petty crimes was beneath him. Oh well, he could worry about that later. First, he needed to figure out what phlebotinium was.

He opened up his friends tab and messaged John.

Superfan39526:

Hey do you know what phlebotinium is?

He waited for his friend to get back to him. It might be a while since he was on a mission. While waiting, Dylan went down to a corner store near him and purchased a hairdryer and some shaving cream. John still hadn't answered after he walked out of the store so Dylan searched for a library in the area. Or somewhere he could print out a copy of rule 63. Unfortunately, anything that sold goods other than basic necessities was on the other side of the fence.

"Guess I should find a way to get into the city," Dylan mused.

The homeless man in front of the gate had mentioned that the gang called the Khaum could get him past the gates. Or he could look for a hole in the fence. Working with the gang at the beginning wouldn't be too bad. But John would never shut up if he ended up working with the gang after deciding to go it alone. He guessed that left him only one option, searching for a hole in the fence.

"Or" Dylan said, a plan forming in his head. "I could try something else."

It was a brilliant day in Haven City. The brilliant yellow sun shone down on both guards and citizens alike as they went about their business. On the side of the slums, men and women with colored shoulder scarves stood around on street corners. Citizens passed through the fence, flashing badges to the guards for passage into the city. On rare occasions, someone from the financial district would pass through to the slums with a briefcase in hand. The man would walk past the scarved people and discreetly hand the briefcase off.

A deal was going down today. A deal between the Khaum gang and some higher-ups in the finance district. Of course, the hero's guild of Haven City was privy to this information. That was why the apprentice hero Heroic and his leader Wonderman were currently on lookout.

"Wonderman, the man just handed off a briefcase."

"Good work Boy Wonder!"

"Heroic."CHeCk for new stories on no/v/el/bin(.)c0m

"Quite right, what a heroic stakeout this is! Look! The dastardly fiend has handed off the briefcase."

"Wait!" Dylan cried, holding his cane out in front of him. "Before you say anything! I completely understand. Walking stuffed animals are so blas. Here I am, villain mastermind, and I have to use a giant plush toy to cross a fence! But you make do with what you have and I was dropped here rather unceremoniously. If you would let me cross I promise to come back with a much more threatening minion. Perhaps a giant monster. Or two."

The man just stood still while Dylan monologed. Was this one of the NPC heroes? The game didn't show any nametags for players because it wanted to give a more authentic experience. But even after Dylan finished his small rant the man stood still.

"It seems my powers of soliloquy have rendered you immobile. That was not a power I thought I had but I will gladly use it. I'm sure I will see you when my giant monster is rampaging across the city. Goodbye."

As Dylan talked, he made to walk around the hero but was stopped by the man stepping in front of him and throwing a punch. It connected with Dylan's stomach and sent him reeling backward.

"I warned you," The man said.

"Low blow. And here I thought I was the villain. Roosevelt~!"

Dylan called out to his giant plush toy. The giant bear had been hard at work kicking down fences and guards alike. His soft feet did little damage but getting smothered under giant amounts of cloth was enough to take anyone out of the fight. Now the bear turned back towards its creator and lumbered forwards.

The spartan rushed at Dylan with speed. In response, he pressed down on the top of his cane. The end opened up and spilled forth a slick substance on the ground. Unable to stay balanced, the hero slipped and fell flat on his face in the liquid.

"Bleh. Oil?" He sputtered.

Dylan didn't respond. He turned the knob at the top of his cane to the left and pressed down again. White foam spilled out and covered the hero. With his vision blinded, Dylan ran over to his minion.

The man didn't stay down for long. Tendrils of some kind sprang from his armor and brushed away the oil and foam. The hero Heroic stood and looked around for his villainous foe. Sighting Dylan, he dashed forwards, the tendrils retreating into his armor.

Dylan reached Roosevelt as Heroic reached him. The hero threw out a punch, aiming straight at Dylan's face. Dylan dodged back on reflex, almost tripping over his bear minion's foot. He resolved to learn self-defense at some point. Stumbling around was not something Dr. Zlo would do.

Roosevelt kicked out at Heroic. A wall of cloth collided with the hero and Heroic grunted at the impact. But the hero did not move. Instead, the hero's muscles bulged and his arms wrapped around the bear's foot.

Grunting, the hero lifted Roosevelt into the air and prepared to throw him. Dylan took the chance to shoot more oil from his cane, this time in the hero's face.

The black liquid splattered against the pristine hero and he reflexively let go of the giant bear. Roosevelt fell to the ground, right on top of the hero.

"Good work Roosevelt!" Dylan shouted. "Now keep him occupied for a bit longer! I'll be sure to come back for you later!" He lied. Most likely the hero would rip the bear to shreds, a sad fate indeed.

"I'll avenge you later my first minion," Dylan whispered. In a louder voice, he yelled over the crowd. "Let it be known that this is the day you almost caught Dr. Zlo, villain extraordinaire!" With a loud cackle, he rushed off into the city.

Heroic was smothered under the bear, unable to move as his power deemed it more appropriate to survive without breathing. Eventually, a ripping sound could be heard from above. Heroic watched as a hand tore through the cloth fabric and reached down to grab him.

He was hauled out into the light of day by Wonderman. The hero had saved the civilians and subdued the rampaging Khaum gang.

"What a strange turn of events. Eh, Boy Wonder? Too bad about the case, it seems we'll never know what it was going to be used for."

Because you have failed in your quest to tail the shady businessman, you have been docked reputation.

Heroic groaned. That meant three more quests with this yahoo of a hero. He turned to the fence, now a mangled piece of abstract art, and vowed that he would kill that villain Dr. Zlo if he ever saw him again.